Finally, there’s help for blended families during the Christmas season! A newly released e-book by Heather Hetchler and Gayla Grace, tackles many timely issues. Thriving at the Holidays: A Stepparent’s Guide to Success, addresses moody stepchildren, life balance, the importance of establishing new traditions, being flexible, creating boundaries, and more. Check out my interview of these coauthors and learn to thrive this season.
In this Atlanta Live Interview (September 29, 2011), Cherise Bopape, president of Bopape Enterprises, Inc., discusses her devotional book for moms, briefly comments on work life balance, and spreads awareness about domestic violence.
Saundra Dalton-Smith, M.D., knows the importance of work life balance for mothers. In this interview, Dr. Dalton-Smith shares: 1) signs and symptoms of work life balance issues 2) common diagnoses associated with this problem, 3) when to seek help, and 4) the benefits of spontaneity and balanced living. Along with heavy doses of encouragement, Dr. Dalton-Smith also tells us about her new book, Set Free to Live Free: Breaking Through the 7 Lies Women Tell Themselves, which contains her prescription for “living free.”
Bopape Enterprises, Inc. interviews Kindred Howard, Lead Coach and Founder of Family Upward. Kindred shares what men really need from their wives, offers tips for better communication within families, and gives working mothers encouragement to get over the guilt they impose on themselves as parents. Kindred also discusses his new book, Cavemen in Babyland, and reminds spouses to focus on nurturing their marriages…making them a top priority.
Civility At Work
20 Ways to Build a Kinder Workplace
by Tom Terez
It’s not always easy being nice. There are deadlines to meet, conflicts to settle, resources to share, promotions to snag — all of which can pit people against each other. What to do? Here are 20 practical ideas. If you believe that workplaces work better when people get along, scan this list and start living it.
1. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. There’s no substitute for authentic communication.
2. Be less inclined to give advice — and more inclined to seek it.
3. Resist the urge to jump to conclusions about people and their motives. Go to the source, get the facts, and then decide.
4. Identify the biggest redeeming quality of that person who’s always driving you crazy. Keep it in mind the next time the two of you interact.
5. When greeting a colleague, skip the mindless how-ya-doin’. Ask a question that shows genuine interest.
6. Go out of your way to say thank you. Sincere appreciation is powerful stuff — it’s feedback, recognition, and respect all wrapped in one.
7. If you’re overdue in showing gratitude, make up for lost time. Contact everyone who’s owed thanks from you, and let them know how much you appreciate their help.
8. When credit and compliments come your way, spread them around to all who helped. And if you think you’re solely responsible for that honored achievement, think again.
9. Promise only what you can deliver. If what you deliver falls short, explain why.
10. When things go wrong, resist the urge to assign blame. It’s the system that usually fails, so fix the system, not the people.
11. Widen your social circle. If you always go to lunch with the same group, invite someone new.
12. Give a gift for no reason. If you work with nature lovers, order some plants or flowers. If the group has a chronic sweet tooth, get a few candy dishes and keep them full.
13. When a rumor reaches your ear, let it go out the other.
14. Step down from the treadmill of daily tasks and have an inefficient chat with a colleague. If it’s someone you rarely engage in conversation, all the better.
15. Show interest in someone else’s interests. Okay, maybe you’re not dying to hear about Pat’s passion for stamp collecting, but Pat will be thrilled you asked.
16. When you take a stand and later realize it’s the wrong stand, be honest enough to say so.
17. Involve more people in weighing options and making decisions. There’s incredible brainpower all around you, so why not put it to work?
18. If you tend to send e-mails to colleagues who are an easy walk away, give the computer a rest. Get up, walk over, and have a no-tech conversation.
19. Try going a whole day without making judgments about people. Good luck — it’s tough!
20. Don’t wait for kindness to come your way. Gandhi had it right: We must be the change we wish to see in the world.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Tom Terez is a speaker, workshop leader, and author of 22 Keys to Creating a Meaningful Workplace. His Web site, http://BetterWorkplaceNow.com, is filled with tools for building a great work environment. Write to Tom@BetterWorkplaceNow.com or call 614-571-9529. Copyright © 2002 by Tom Terez Workplace Solutions Inc.
Back to school!
Last week, I interviewed Dayan Shannon, a seasoned Georgia middle school teacher. This wife, mom, and bibliophile enlightened us in several areas. Whether sharing tips on how to increase our kids’ vocabularies or why she feels a moral obligation to encourage kids to take advantage of educational opportunities, Dayan’s comments were timely and insightful.
This week, we’ll continue our dialogue with Dayan. I’m sure we’ll be wowed, once again.
CHERISE: You’ve frowned upon the proliferation of profanity in our schools. Are there other trends with middle schoolers that warrant a parent’s attention and concern?
DAYAN: A lot of things concern me today with middle schoolers! They are engaging in behaviors well before they are ready for them. The mind set is on being social and education is a distant, distant second.
CHERISE: Exactly what types of behaviors are 6th, 7th, and 8th graders participating in nowadays?
DAYAN: Granted kids will be kids, but they are engaging in adult situations. Some middle schoolers are engaging in sexual activity and criminal behavior. Kids are being exposed to many things that they are not ready to handle. It’s sad that kids are in a rush to “be grown” instead of enjoying their youth.
CHERISE: This is a lot for parents to digest. How can we encourage moms to assist their children and, at the same time, develop their kids’ independence?
DAYAN: Stay involved! It seems that parent engagement drops off a bit when children enter middle school. Yes, the children are older, but they are still children. At this stage, staying in tune with your child is critical.
CHERISE: Mothers who work outside the home have said that it’s difficult for them to be as involved as they’d like. Do you have any advice for them?
DAYAN: It is understandable that most working moms can’t be at the school every time the doors swing open, but do make an effort to stay in contact with the teachers. You should know who your child is spending most of their day with. With all the technology and resources available to us, there is no excuse for not knowing what is going on with your child in school. Progress reports go out every semester at the 4 ½ weeks mark; report cards are distributed every nine weeks. Parents can keep track of the grades on Pinnacle, Cobb County’s online grading system. Teachers have emails, voicemails
and some even have blogs.
CHERISE: Whether we stay at home with our children, work from a home office, or commute to our workplaces daily, you’ve given us options to get involved in our children’s education. Do you have any final tips to share?
DAYAN: Please make sure teachers can get in contact with you. Make sure your contact information is correct. Form a partnership with your child’s teachers to ensure that your child gets the best support and education they can have.
CHERISE: Wonderfully said, Dayan. With parental involvement, encouragement, and good role models, our kids are certainly off to a better start. Thank you for your generous comments.
When we’re passionate about our profession, our faces show it, our actions prove it, and we gush about it—at every opportunity. When I think about a current-day educator who’s worthy of such a description, Dayan Shannon comes to mind. This wife and mother to one son, Caleb, recently began her sixteenth year of teaching. Eleven of those years were in Orlando, Florida. Now, she teaches at Cooper Middle School in Austell, Georgia.
Let’s glean some of Dayan’s insight on 1) how parents can help improve their children’s vocabulary, 2) getting middle school kids to enjoy reading, and 3) why it’s important for our youth to take advantage of educational opportunities afforded them.
CHERISE: What prompted you to begin your current career path?
DAYAN: I began a career in education at the prompting of my father who told me to become a teacher and “teach kids how to think; put something in their minds.”
CHERISE: Indeed, you have nurtured scores of young people’s minds during your tenure. However, what I’m hearing from middle schoolers’ mouths is harrowing. Foul language begins infiltrating our children’s vocabularies in middle school. Do you think kids use expletives because they lack the vocabulary to express themselves otherwise?
DAYAN: Sadly, I believe foul language infiltrates our children’s vocabularies long before middle school. It’s becoming commonplace on TV, the radio, and everyday speech in the home. For some children, foul language is a part of their normal lives because they hear it everywhere. Years ago when I heard children using foul language, I would ask if they talked that way in front of their parents. The answer was always “No!” But now, I don’t always get that response. In some cases, I believe people use foul language because they lack the vocabulary to express themselves. I also think some people (mainly kids) use foul language because they think it makes them cool or more “real.”
CHERISE: What can parents do to encourage their middle schoolers to make respectful word choices?
DAYAN: As parents, we need to model proper speech and talk with our children about how to express themselves without using foul language. We also need to monitor what our children watch on TV and listen to on the radio. While we can’t shelter them completely, we can teach them what’s acceptable and what’s not. Hopefully when they are not with us, they will not engage in speaking with profanity.
CHERISE: Reading obviously helps us improve our vocabularies. How can parents encourage their children to read?
DAYAN: My advice for parents is to let their child read what interests them, as long as it’s appropriate. Read with them. Read to them. As much as I can, I read aloud to my students at the beginning of class. Parents should also let their child see them reading. If it’s not important to us, then it won’t be important to them.
CHERISE: What other benefits can children gain from reading?
DAYAN: The benefits of reading are countless. The more you read, the more you know. Reading builds the vocabulary. Reading can cause you to think. Reading teaches. Reading can be an escape.
CHERISE: …Sounds like you’re passionate about reading.
DAYAN: I love to read! I carry a book around like a security blanket. I remember carrying a book bag around full of books and I would read a chapter out of each one. I’d just keep rotating because I wanted to read them at the same time. My goal as a teacher is to ignite a passion for reading. I want students to want to read. Passing a test is secondary because if you are a reader, a reading test will be simple.
CHERISE: Educating students is part of your job description, but kids who pass through your classroom get so much more. Why?
DAYAN: I feel a moral obligation. There was a time when it was illegal for African Americans to read. Slaves were beaten and killed just for trying to learn. Then, after slavery, African Americans had to fight for a fair education. It bothers me today to see so many young people take for granted or waste the educational opportunities given to them.
CHERISE: What a mouthful you’ve given us! Thanks so much for your insight. Parents will not want to miss part II of your interview next week, Monday, August 29. At that time, we’ll discuss some surprising trends of middle schoolers and offer parents encouragement for their journey.
Bopape Enterprises, Inc.
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Dr. Yvonne Anderson--Educator, Author, Speaker
“…There is no program and no policy that can substitute for a parent who is involved in their child’s education from day one,” according to then-Senator Barack Obama (May 2008) as he spoke at a Colorado school.
I’m sure Dr. Yvonne Anderson would nod in agreement. On March 1, 2011, I featured this Georgia educator here on my Blog for Working Moms; today, I’m excited to share the remainder of my interview with her.
CHERISE: Many working moms feel guilty about their lack of involvement in their child’s classroom. Add long commutes, inflexible employers, or single motherhood to the equation and it seems nearly impossible for some mothers to get involved. What are some creative ways you’ve seen working moms participate in their children’s education?
YVONNE: Many schools and teachers have blogs available at the school’s web site along with the email addresses for every teacher. Working moms can not only keep up to date with what’s going on within the school, but they can contact the teachers directly as well. I personally have all of my parents—who have returned syllabi—in an address book. I email them once per week with an update. Additionally, parents can gain access to the grade record keeping system that allows them to monitor their student’s grades. Many schools offer a homework hotline as well.
CHERISE: The 2008 Unites States Bureau of Labor Statistics’ American Time Use Survey revealed that mothers who work outside the home spent an average of eleven minutes per day on weekdays and thirty minutes per day on weekends spending quality time with their children. Is this surprising to you or is it obvious in your day-to-day dealings with moms and their children?
YVONNE: While I can understand the challenges that working moms face in their day-to-day lives of working and raising their children, I have seen (in the educational setting), the manifestations of minimal quality time spent with children. Some students appear to be so starved for attention that they will take it even if it’s negative. They appear to want the focus on them and them alone. Other manifestations might include the student’s grooming and/or home training (manners, respect for authority, obedience, etc.). I am not saying that these areas are directly associated the amount of quality time but rather suggesting that they could be by-products of a reduction in quality time. That being the case, I have found myself having to assist students in these areas as well by giving them hugs, asking about what’s going on in their lives, and even saying, “I love you” to them.
CHERISE: Have you had to personally make exceptions to accommodate working mothers’ requests? Is this fair?
YVONNE: Yes, I have had to arrive early at school as well as stay late for parents across the board. I did no more for them than I would have done for any working parent; although, I don’t think it fair that parents should desire that teachers do all of the accommodating. If they had a medical appointment to keep, they would make or take the time from their workday. Parent/teacher meetings should carry the same if not more weight.
CHERISE: Working moms strive especially hard for harmony in their careers and family. Likewise, children need a healthy combination of work and play. Unfortunately, though, this isn’t always the case. As an educator, what telltale signs have you seen students exhibit when work and play are not balanced?
YVONNE: In some cases, I have seen students who become like little adults because there is no balance at home. Sometimes, these same children are playing babysitter to younger siblings and/or the family either doesn’t or rarely engages in “play” activities. These children are sometimes loners, or they go the opposite route and get involved, sometimes in the wrong way, in a number of activities. On the other hand, I have seen situations where there is so much time and effort invested in the playtime (sports) that the student suffers academically.
CHERISE: Can you list some benefits students reap when they have a mother who works outside the home?
YVONNE: There is certainly material gain to be had for a mom who works, but it’s hard to go any farther than that one benefit. When moms work, students either have to come to school super early (in the cold), or they can’t get a ride at all for a morning study hall. If a student needs something during the day, they may have to go without it. If a student is sick, s/he may have to remain at school for the better part of the day because there is no one available to pick them up when they’re sick.
CHERISE: Yvonne, thanks for your insight and candidness. You’ve given moms some things to ponder or perhaps even to incorporate into their lifestyle. Thanks for all you do for tomorrow’s leaders—our children.
For more information about Dr. Yvonne Anderson, check out her web site, www.thedoctorsinnsite.org. Yvonne’s publications include the following books
Loving Me More Conference, Atlanta, GA, March 12, 2011
Have you given up on yourself, the concept of family, or our youths’ futures? The leaders at Family Dynamics Foundation, Inc. (FDF, Inc.) certainly haven’t! They’re passionate about making a difference.
This weekend, the folks at FDF, Inc. have a number of age appropriate workshops for girls ages eleven through nineteen. From pampering to empowerment, females in attendance will be are armed with tools for preventing the potential Ps—prison, prostitution, pregnancy, and peer pressure. FDF, Inc. has even thrown in a couple of workshops for adults. I’ll be presenting a session on parenting.
It’s still not too late to sign up for the Loving Me More Conference. The nominal $5 registration fee includes breakfast, lunch, and workshop attendance. The event will take place on Saturday, March 12, 2011, at the Mary Hall Freedom House in Atlanta, GA. Visit http://www.fdfinc.org/ for more details.
I hope I’ll see you there!
Dr. Yvonne Anderson, Educator/Speaker/Christian Author
Today, I’m thrilled to kick off my blog for working mothers with an interview of Dr. Yvonne Anderson. Boasting nearly twenty years of experience in teaching elementary and high school students, Yvonne, has also taught as an adjunct professor at various colleges and universities. Her publications include Letter to Pastor and Other People’s Letters and Meditations of the Heart. A Christian teacher who desires to build up Georgia’s students and educators, she is a powerhouse who sees teaching as a ministry.
Today, Yvonne reveals her passions and provides encouragement for moms of school-age children. In a couple of weeks, we’ll hear more from Yvonne as she shares her observations of children whose mothers work outside the home.
CHERISE: Yvonne, can you tell us a little about your career as an educator?
YVONNE: I chose education as a career because I loved school, and I had pleasant and successful experiences there. My desire has been to create the same kind of experience for others. My education includes a Bachelor of Science Degree in Education, a Master’s Degree in Instruction, and a Doctorate of Education in Innovation and Leadership.
CHERISE: Let’s hear about your ministry.
YVONNE: Teaching has always been a ministry, although I did not always know that. It wasn’t until much later in my career that the Lord began to show me the ministry component. Over time, I have come to understand that I am to help students by helping their teachers. I do this through an organization that I’m [spearheading]—The Association of Christian Teachers (A.C.T.). It is founded first and foremost on the Word of God. Through advocacy, education, and service, our job is to impact the lives of teachers who will, in turn, impact the lives of their students.
CHERISE: Wow! You’re an author, educator, and an organizational leader. Are there any other facets of your ministry you’d like to share?
YVONNE: The other side to the ministry to which I believe God has called me is to become a scholar in His Word. This pursuit has opened the door for me to write, to publish two books, and obtain speaking engagements where I can minister the Word.
CHERISE: As a seasoned educator, can you offer words of encouragement for working moms who have school-age children?
YVONNE: Make time for your children. Partner with the school early in the school year. Get involved with the PTA even if you can’t make all of the meetings. Take some time to contact your student’s teacher, and then, stay in touch. Don’t assume that everything is going well because you haven’t heard from the teacher. Teachers serve many students over the course of the day, and it isn’t always easy for us to get to a phone and/or computer to send an email. Show that you care by making your contact information available immediately; then, follow up with the teacher and/or the school to ensure your student’s academic progress.
CHERISE: Yvonne, thanks for sharing your knowledge with us. My audience will be eager to read the remainder of your interview a couple of weeks from now. We’ll be discussing working moms and several more ways they can get involved in their children’s education. Readers can expect thorough replies, insight on work-life harmony, and lots of ideas to ponder.
Readers, in the meantime, check out Yvonne’s books and her Web site (www.thedoctorsinnsite.org).
